Of all the authors I've never read, the one that fills me with the most ill-informed and irrational loathing would have to be Sven Hassel - Barbara Cartland? A strange bloated pink meringue churning out sickly, syrupy dross. But she didn't write war porn. Dan Brown? A plaigarising, bland pulp author - but one who doesn't make two letters of his surname into the SS logo.

Of course, that's not his real surname, though it appears there's a bit of doubt over what his real name actually is. Is he a Nazi? Not a nazi? Who knows?

What's not in doubt, however, is that he couldn't find a decent title for a book if it bit him on the arse. Titles of his books include:

The Legion Of The Damned, Wheels Of Terror, Liquidate Paris, Reign of Hell

and, my favourite,

The Bloody Road to Death

You can almost smell the raw, undisguised lust as he lovingly strokes an old copy of Jane's Fighting Vehicles.

I think I need to read something a little more engaging tomorrow on the bus to Aberdeen. Although, to be fair, Titus Alone wasn't as interminable as the first two parts of the Gormenghast trilogy.

Yup, you guessed it, all I've done is read. Don't you wish you had my exciting rock and roll lifestyle?

Dave xx

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